Are you ready? My Delivery Dilemma

By: Cheryl Maguire

I was sifting through my old writing from when my kids were first born and I found this fun humor piece. Just think my twins are now 15!

Pregnant woman tummy

“You’re blood pressure is slightly elevated. We are going to move the c-section up to today. Are you prepared?” the doctor asks.

“You bet. Get these twin babies out of me already,” I respond.

I think about how wonderful it will be able to switch sides when sleeping, wear my skinny jeans, and walk like a normal person instead of a duck. I could do kick boxing classes again, and I would be rid of all these aches and pains. My body would be all mine instead of a host for two alien organisms. Yay! Just thinking about is enough to make me want to waddle faster to the car.

On the drive to the hospital, I am ecstatic. All I think about is being 70 pounds lighter. Yes, you heard that right, I gained 70 pounds! Ugh! Hopefully, they are at least 10 pounds each right? Although what are the chances of that?? I know that I was eating for three but I’m guessing my daily caloric intake was more in the realm of eating for six.

Wait a second. What am I about to do? Oh yeah, that’s right. Give birth. Okay, I could get used to walking like a duck and maternity clothes are actually pretty fashionable these days. I think we need to turn this car around and go straight back to the house. Who am I kidding? Me, a mom, of twins? I don’t think so. I also don’t deal very well with pain, so the whole surgery thing is something I can do without. Ouch. Baby 1 gave me a hard kick. He obviously disagrees with my idea of being pregnant indefinitely.

I am curious to see what they look like. I have only seen vague ultrasound images. I wonder what color their eyes and hair are. Will they look alike? Will they look like me? Will they be friends? There is only one way to find out. I am going to endure a great deal of pain and undergo major life changes. I am going to put aside my fears and march myself into the hospital.

“Are you ready?” my husband asks.

“Let’s go before I change my mind.”


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