“Will You Try For A Girl?”

By:  Abby Keane

This is the question people started asking shortly after we found out that Eamon was, in fact, a baby boy.

Now, ignoring the fact that I was still enormously pregnant and chasing around a very active toddler, and couldn’t imagine ever wanting to be pregnant again, there are a few reasons this question bothered me.  First was the implication that we would have preferred in some way that Eamon had been a girl.  Eamon is the perfect second child for us, and we wouldn’t have wanted him to be any other baby.  He is an individual already, and is showing us just how different from his big brother he can be.  He is teaching me new things about being a mommy every day, and I wouldn’t trade him for ten girls.

The second reason the “girl” question bothered me is because it suggests that people need at least one son and at least one daughter to complete their family.  Everyone has those stories of couples who kept trying for one sex or another.  In the town where I grew up, it was the story of the family with 10 boys, and everyone says the mother kept trying for a girl.  Perhaps that is true, but maybe there’s another explanation.  Maybe she loved having children and felt she and her husband had the means to support ten children, no matter what their sex.  Maybe it was because of religious beliefs, or simply a personal belief that she needed to have that many children.  The idea that a family isn’t complete though, until there is a son and daughter is one I just can’t get on board with.

Finally, the “girl” question bothers me because of how extremely lucky I feel to have my sons.  I mentioned in a previous entry that I had two miscarriages before having my boys.  For that reason, I truly feel that my boys are amazing little miracles who were meant to be in our family.  They were meant to come at the times they did, and they were meant to be the specific little people who came to us.  I am so lucky and blessed to have had even one fabulous little boy, and having two, well, it’s better than hitting the lottery.  So, for anyone to even hint that perhaps I would have liked something other than what we got…it’s just wrong.

So, my answer to the question “Will you/When are you going to try for a girl?” will always be “Never.”  The full answer is that if we do try to have another child, I will hope to hit the jackpot a third time and end up having another happy, healthy, funny, adorable, amazing little human being.  Boy or girl, that will be enough for me.

P.S.  I know I promised the childcare entry for today, but we’re still waiting to find out if the last hurdle has been cleared at the center of our choice, and we won’t find out until tomorrow.  I’m not that superstitious of a person, but I definitely don’t need to jinx this one!  So, next time, for sure!


4 thoughts on ““Will You Try For A Girl?”

  1. As a mom to two boys, I heard the same thing. When I found out my second was a boy (also after infertility and a miscarriage) my mom actually said something like, “oh no”. There are pros and cons to each sex and having grown up in a house with two younger brothers, mostly male cousins, and as a tomboy myself, I never felt the need to “try” for a girl. We are all boys, all the time and it suits me fine. Mine are a different as night and day as they are.

  2. Those comments have always bothered me as well. When we found out the twins were boy/girl everyone use to say how “perfect” that was. The fact that they were a boy and girl is not what made them perfect to me, it was the fact that after a year and a half of trying we got doubly blessed with 2 healthy babies!

  3. When we had Nina, lots of folks made the “perfect”, “now you can be done” comments. When surprise #3 came along, some folks asked why we’d “gone and done that” Small talk can be so insensitive and downright silly. Each and every child – girl or boy, planned or not, “healthy” or “special” — is a blessing.

    Glad you are enjoying your amazing little human beings!

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