Decisions, Decisions

Posted on June 17, 2013 by

By: Sheila Gaudet

Parenting comes with many decisions about caring for our kids. When our kids are babies those decisions include breast or bottle? Cloth or disposable diapers? Co-sleeping or “ferberizing?” Daycare or staying at home?  As they get older it turns into which school is the best match for my child? Do we really want to commit to hockey every weekend for most of the year?  Will the proposed puppy be a learning experience in responsibility or just another item on Mom’s to-do list?

Sometimes these decisions can be easy. We draw from our own experiences.  We read books, magazines and blogs. We talk to our friends, neighbors, and even strangers in the grocery store.  Every decision is based upon what is best for my child and family.

Unfortunately, I’ve been put in the position of having to make difficult choices. I blame no one else; my choice of partners and husbands have led me to this place.  It doesn’t make it easier, though.

When going through a divorce there are so many things to consider. It’s weird to go through a divorce with your children’s stepparent. When the person that you loved (and maybe still do) pledged to be there for you and your children, you want to believe that they will love them as you do, and often they do. When divorce enters the picture, though, that issue becomes irrelevant to the court.

My children and I originally moved to Massachusetts because it was where my husband’s family lived and was where his military unit was located. It was a collaborative decision that seemed to offer many benefits. Throughout our marriage, we made many decisions about careers and finances to provide stability for our family.

Now that we are in the hairy and difficult throes of divorce, every decision (even though they were made jointly) becomes a point of contention. My goal, as a mother, is to provide my children with as much love and stability as possible during this difficult time. They love my husband and have spent five years with him.  Even though they are 10 and 16 years old, the divorce feels like rejection of them, as well as me.

I had hoped that I would be able to stay in town for two more years to allow my eldest son to finish high school here. Unfortunately, because we had made the decision for me to switch careers, I am now in the unenviable position of having tuition bills from that decision but no job (as I was unable to finish my certification). I have returned to work, taking on two part-time jobs. However, my salary will not allow us to stay in our family home. Unfortunately, I have to decide whether or not we will move back to our old hometown, where we came from four years ago.  There, we have friends and family. I also have professional connections from living and working there for 10 years. It is not an easy decision, as I do not have a job yet. However, staying put is not an option either.

I try to put a positive spin on it for the boys, but they know how much it pains me to not be able to provide them with the that stability they want and that I promised them when we moved here four years ago. I worry about their ability to trust people and love them.  I want my children to be confident enough to love with passion and without reservation, and I worry that I have deprived them of the innocence needed to do that. So, decisions must be made. Stay or go? Give or take? Laugh or cry? Somehow, I know in the end it will be all right, because we have each other and some amazing friends and family. However, I still wish I didn’t have to make this decision in the first place.

Posted in Childcare, Family, Marriage, military families, Sheila Gaudet | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Swim Lessons for a Sensory Kid

Posted on June 14, 2013 by

By: Martianne Stanger

Shaving creamIf you came to my house during bathing times when my oldest was a toddler, you would have thought something awful was going on inside. My boy had a sensory aversion to water that made routine hygiene a harrowing experience for us all.

Fast forward a handful of years and our boy has not only gotten used to the water, but has begun to love it. He now showers by himself, albeit not daily! He enjoys water play, both indoors and out. And – perhaps the biggest news of all – he told me yesterday that one of his goals for the summer is to learn to “really swim.” Yes, my boy wants to become a “real swimmer.”

In the wading poolI could not be more excited. However, I also could not be more cautious. I know that if my boy’s swim lesson experiences don’t go well, it could be back to the beginning stages of our long water-immersion program for him. First, we created many fun water experiences for hands, then body, then face. We stocked up on supplies for shaving cream fun, shampoo finger paints, gel body paints, and sensory sandbox stay days. We hit the wading pool and splash pad for a sense of “safe swimming” and had sprinkler fun. We took things step-by-step, day-by-day, one experience at a time, from one finger happily in the water to the whole body going under.

So, what do I plan to do in order to ensure that my boy’s first swimming lessons of the season are positive ones?

I debated long and hard about this. I know my boy is ready to jump in the water to swim. I also know he is ready for more class-type experiences in his life. However, I am not sure he is ready to jump in the water in a class-type experience with a teacher he doesn’t know and kids he doesn’t know. While this would be no big deal for some kids, it could be just too much for mine. Too many variables. Too many unknowns. Too many distractions and things to get used to.

Sensory sandboxThank goodness, then, that I found U Swim.  It is an incredibly helpful site that guides adults in how to teach children to swim one-on-one.  I used the site a bit last year for ideas in how to move all three of my children from waders to porpoises, floating and diving under shallow waters. Now that my oldest has declared he is ready for “real swimming,” I will move on with the lessons outlined on the site. Then, when (and if) my boy asks if he can take group lessons, I will set U Swim aside and brave local group lessons.

My oldest’s pace.  My support.  One day, one victory at a time.  That is our swim plan for this season.

What is yours?

Posted in Family, Martianne Stanger, Mommy Advice, Parenting Advice | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Early Intervention

Posted on June 13, 2013 by

By: Heather Desmond O’Neill

“Dada.  Dada.  Dada.  Dada.”

A year and a half ago, this was all my youngest son was saying, and I was pretty devastated.  Just once I wanted to hear “Mama.”  I’m sure you’re thinking, “careful what you wish for…”  Now, I live with a real life Stewie.

At Jackson’s 15-month check up, my pediatrician told me she was concerned.  She recommended that I get in touch with Early Intervention and have him evaluated.  As a special educator, I knew that this would be a great resource for him, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to enter the world of evaluations and measuring his abilities.  But we did, and I’m thankful every day.

JacksonProfound physical, intellectual, language, social, and emotional developments occur in the first 3 years of a child’s life. Early Intervention measures a child’s developmental progress and determines if that child needs specific services to meet age-appropriate goals.  This family-centered approach has been instrumental in my son’s development and progress.

I know that some people view early intervention negatively, like there’s something “wrong” with a child who qualifies for services.  Let me tell you, they have been a blessing.  The only measurement I had for my second child was my first child.  Although I didn’t want to compare the two, I knew that Jackson wasn’t meeting the milestones at the same age that Jameson had.  I was apprehensive about the initial evaluation, but thankful for the answers it provided.

Once we started sessions it was clear that this was going to benefit the entire family.  Our clinician, Jen, was reinforcing skills with Jameson, teaching them to Jackson and answering all of my questions in between.  I find that I constantly question my parenting abilities and it was nice to bounce some ideas off of Jen and get some honest, open, and realistic feedback.  She helped us work with one another as a family, and Jackson’s skills have improved greatly.

PlayingJackson now sees a clinician and a speech therapist, and attends a community toddler group where he interacts with other kids between 18-36 months. He loves to go and I’m thrilled that he’s interacting with other kids his age. He says, “I’m going to Jen’s house to play with my friends.”  I truly appreciate these services.

I was once concerned.  I am now grateful.  Jackson will now chat up anyone within earshot.  His vocabulary has increased tremendously, but my favorite word of his will always be, “Mama.”

Early Intervention is not only for speech and motor coordination. They provide support groups for parents, families and siblings, parenting classes, infant and baby classes, home visits, transportation, and physical and occupational therapies.  If you think your child could benefit from these services, talk to your pediatrician.

Posted in Family, Health, Heather Desmond O'Neill | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Galactic Crafts

Posted on June 12, 2013 by

By: Tanya Pimental

It’s no secret, I love any excuse to look through craft supplies and plug in my hot glue gun. Imagine my delight when Jack’s school decided to end the month of learning about outer space with a  dress up day.  Instructions were to keep it simple. It wasn’t an effort to have Halloween in spring and to be either an alien or an astronaut. Even more awesome than getting to dress up as an alien? Getting to be green alien when it’s your favorite color. (Or at least that is what my middle man deemed to be awesome.)

Jack the Alien

We recently picked up some DIY foam sun visors for some birthday party fun, but we never got a chance to use the supplies. I never get rid of leftover craft supplies, as there is always cause to use it again. So, I used my leftover visor supplies to make the perfect hat for the occasion.  A few foam balls cut in half, googly eyes,  a hot glue gun, and a quick Google image search for martian ears were all I needed. The eyelashes are my favorite touch.

Lucy the Alien

The girls were so thrilled with the outcome that they, too, wanted their own versions.  This craft then resulted in building a space craft from couch cushions and an afternoon of imagination.

Emme the Alien

Posted in Activities, Family, Tanya Pimental | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Headlocks and Footholds

Posted on June 7, 2013 by

By: Anne Marie Holloway

My earliest memory of meeting my husband’s three youngest cousins from Virginia is etched into my mind.  The three boys were in a pile on the floor of my husband’s childhood home.  They looked up at us from whatever mischief they were just causing amongst themselves and broke free from the headlocks and footholds they were in to greet my husband. I can still picture their cheers and happy little faces. I remember watching my husband’s humored expression as the boys knocked him off balance and onto the floor.  I can still hear his exacerbated and slightly surprised laughter as he fell to the ground under the force of their enthusiastic greeting.

That is how it always was when these fellas came to visit us here in New England.  My husband could not be happier to join in their mayhem. It was those times, watching my husband playfully interact with this group of rascals, that made me realize how good he was with kids.

Gram's Beach

We often met this handsome crew of southern gentlemen down at Humarock, spending hours on Gram’s Beach. The three boys were good-natured, well behaved, funny, and bright. They loved my husband and instantaneously welcomed me into their circle. I was honored.

As the years marched on, the boys grew. They went on to high school, college, jobs, new cars, marriage, and starting their own families.  Last summer, my youngest son was the ring bearer in the oldest boy’s wedding. It was awesome. I just stood and stared as I watched a taller version of the same little kid I knew all those years ago stand beside my youngest son as he began to recite his wedding vows. It was very cool, and I was honored.

At the wedding

This past Memorial Day weekend we got to meet up with them for a small family gathering. The three grown men met us in the driveway as we pulled up in the mini-van full of our own four kiddos. It took my breath away to see my children bursting with delight as they saw the three guys waiting for us. I laughed as mayhem ensued inside the minivan with the kids rolling down their windows, cheering, and unbuckling their seat belts before we came to a stop. They raced to be the first to reach their father’s cousins – their cousins.

I watched as the boys, now grown men, bent down to speak to my children. I smiled as they started a game of kickball with the kids. I felt grateful that I could actually eat a meal uninterrupted as the boys initiated a game of manhunt, while intermittently providing piggy back rides to my younger babes.  I barely saw my kids that day and that was okay because I knew they were in good hands. It was a perfect day spent with family.

Lauren playing kickball

As it grew later in the day, we knew it was time to go and we said our goodbyes. We all piled into the minivan, and with the windows rolled down we waved, shouted, and blew kisses. The van turned the corner and our family and friends faded out of sight. My little family settled in silently as we started our journey home, all of us feeling that strange combination of happiness and sadness when you have to leave those you love.

I listened with a wistful heart as my kids spoke about how much fun they had that day.

“I am gonna miss them,” a little voice said from the back of the minivan.

“Me too,” another one said, breaking the still, reflective quiet of the group.

“It’s just so sad,” wailed my youngest daughter, as she wept into the comforting shoulder of her sister.

I exchanged thoughtful glances with my husband, who tried to hide his smile.

I rested my head back on the passenger seat and closed my eyes while remembering first meeting those three boys in a pile on the floor. They were pretty amazing little kids back then, but they are even more amazing now. I am grateful that they let me into their circle so many years ago.

Who would have thought that headlocks and footholds would have made such an impact on me? I am so happy they did.

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Creative Discipline

Posted on June 5, 2013 by

By: Sandra L. Churchill

Styles of correction and guidance are among the most debated challenges shared by moms and dads today. We’ve witnessed a shift from corporal punishment to more discussion-based discipline over the years, and we all seem to juggle what is right for each child and what is fitting for each situation.

One strategy we’ve used from the time our older two children were around age four or five is a “tattletale reversal.” When the inevitable bickering would begin over a coveted toy or some other child battle, one or the other would come running to us with “She did…” or “She said…” in the familiar chorus of complaints known to any parent with multiple children. Instead of engaging in endless re-constructs of who-did-what-to-whom, we opted to flip it. We asked the first “announcer” to stop right there and sit down with the offending child side by side so we could talk. But instead of giving in to a lengthy diatribe of offenses in sequence, we asked each child to be silent for a moment while we issued a challenge: “Tell me one thing YOU could have done differently”. At first we got the inevitable objections of “But Mom…” or “No way… I didn’t do anything…she…” but when they realized Mom and Dad meant business, they took the time to cooperate.

Sometimes it took awhile, but the reflections were serious and pensive. The girls astounded us with their ponderings about attitude, tone, and snappy judgment. They sometimes said they interrupted each other or got mad before letting the other explain. Other times they said they needed to share more or be patient and not get upset and turn a small thing into a big fight.

We were astounded that such a small switch—a simple role reversal of sorts—could boost accountability, drop the emotional barometer, and restore peace much faster than a lengthy yelling match or banishing children to their rooms for a whole afternoon. So now I’m thinking we may have overlooked this opportunity when it comes to disagreements between spouses, friends, or extended family disagreements. Maybe next time we’ll stop and ask ourselves, “What could WE have done differently?” and return to peace with cooler heads and calmer spirits.

Posted in Family, Mommy Advice, Parenting Advice, Sandy Churchill | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Ward’s Berry Farm

Posted on June 4, 2013 by

By: Rachel Ventura

With promises from the weather man for a humid, 85 degree mid-May day, my little clan and I were ready for our first beach adventure of the year. We packed our bags the night before and had our swimsuits set out and ready to go. My daughter was beyond excited to wear her new Rapunzel bathing suit. Imagine our disappointment when we woke up to a very cloudy and very chilly day. Turns out, there was zero sun all day and the high was 65. Man, were those weather men wrong this time! Although I much prefer clouds and cooler temperatures, my family was bummed. I wasn’t going to let it completely ruin our day, though; there was still fun to be had!

We packed a picnic lunch and decided we’d head to Wards Berry Farm in Sharon. We’ve been there a few times before but we never fully took it all in until this trip. I was pleasantly surprised! This place is truly a little gem. It’s only about 15 minutes from our house and it was such an adventure. My daughter could have stayed all day, and we will definitely become frequent visitors!

Wards Berry Farm

We got there at lunch time and were hungry, so we headed straight to the picnic tables. The kids squealed in delight while eating their lunch as birds hopped all around us, hoping to catch a stray crumb or two, and the tractors passed by to do their work.

Wards Berry Farm

After we ate and cleaned up our mess, we headed straight to the playground, per my daughter’s request. It’s not the largest playground, but it is more than sufficient. And both of my children very much enjoyed themselves. My daughter especially loved the huge slide.  She wanted her brother to go down the slide on her lap, but she’ll have to wait for that for another year or two. In addition to the slide, there are normal swings, rocking horse swings, monkey bars, tires, and a sort of bouncy/see-saw contraption, which was a big hit.

The big slide

They also have a sandbox, which is so much fun!! It is very large with many trucks and toys to play with. The sandbox is outlined by tree trucks of varying heights that my daughter had a blast climbing on.

The sandbox

After that we went to check out the animals. We saw chicks and chickens, sheep, goats, horses, and bunnies. My son was amazed by all the animals and just stood and stared. At one point, all the sheep, in anticipation of their upcoming lunch, all came over to the edge of the fence where we were standing. There had to be at least 15 of them and they all started baaing at the same time. It was very loud and my poor son started screaming! He was scared but it was actually pretty cool to hear and see. His sister, of course, thought it was hilarious!

Visiting the animals

Did I mention that all of this was free of charge? Naturally, there are things to spend your money on. They have a beautiful assortment of flowers, plants, vegetables and fruits in the farm store, as well as a bakery, sandwich counter and smoothie bar! They also have “Pick Your Own” strawberries, blueberries and pumpkins during their respective seasons. We can’t wait to go back and pick some strawberries next month. In the fall they have a huge cornfield maze, as well as hayrides.

We did purchase a cup of chocolate ice cream, a perfect way to end our little adventure. Total cost for our trip to Wards Berry Farm: $3. Two and a half hours of pure fun and joy with my children: priceless.

Posted in Activities, Family, Rachel Ventura | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment